This morning, when I heard the results of the Election, I was devastated. I have the bad taste to be poor and I believe that the party that is coming into power will do all it can to ensure that poor and disabled folks die and help decrease the surplus population. (Apologies to Charles Dickens.) I was miserable and depressed and convinced I would be dead within the year. Yes, I had a true “Dark Night of the Soul”. I finally went to sleep at around 4 AM. I woke up at 6 AM and went right back to sleep until 8:30 AM. The alarm was set for 9 AM, and as I snuggled up in bed being warm and not wanting to get up, I began to think of who I am and who I want to be in the world.
A few weeks ago, my sister and I were talking and she said: “There is no ‘give up’ in you, girl.” Obviously, in the middle of the night, I was made entirely of “give up”. This morning, I started thinking of my family. I never met my paternal grandmother, she died when my Father was 13 years old. However, when I was a teenager, I found a photo of her – and it was like looking in a mirror. I look exactly like my Grandmother Flossie. I suspect she was a strong woman since she held on to life for six years after her husband passed away. She was there for my Father, and it couldn’t have been easy for her. My maternal grandmother, Rosina, was born in Italy. When my Grandfather asked her to marry him, her family didn’t approve. She said, “Either you give me your permission or we’ll live in sin.” That was anathema to an Italian Catholic family, so they gave their grudging permission. Rosina raised ten children in NYC from the late 19-teens to the 1940s, on very little money, and without knowing English very well at all. My Father had no “give up” in him. He was in the US Navy, attached to the First Marine Division on Guadalcanal and Tulagi in World War II. Daddy made up funny stories about his time in the South Pacific, which I didn’t understand was NOT a funny time until I was in college. Finally, my Mother, Patsy, was a strong and opinionated woman. She didn’t know the meaning of the phrase “give up”. These are my people. These are the people from whom I came, the people from whom I learned about life. Their granddaughter and daughter would not be wallowing in despair. I also came from a very musical family. When I was a child, my parents and aunts and uncles listened to Woody Guthrie, the Weavers, Joan Baez – protest songs and activism. That is what I know.
I have no way to influence the results of yesterday’s election. I voted. The candidate for whom I voted did not win. That’s happened to me before and I have survived. Those other candidates were never as frightening and repulsive to me as this one is. I can choose the way I will be in the world. I can choose to be kind and polite and sing my heart out about not giving up and supporting the people who are at risk from the policies and beliefs of this candidate. Then I WILL DO IT. I will stand between the people at risk and those who would harm them. I will fight for them. I will link arms with others and surround their places of worship to protect them from the police and those who would take away their freedom of religion. I will listen when they are low. I will tell them I love them. I will sing when there is nothing else to do.
I am a Bard from a line of Bards. I eulogized my Father and my Older Brother when they died. I did it because I love them and they deserved to have someone who loved them honor them. I did that because it was given me to do.
I choose to be the ME I have mostly been in the world. I REFUSE to let them change me into someone who acts like them. I will express my anger when I am angry. I will do so in as calm a manner as possible. Since I am Italian and Irish/Scots/English and Welsh, I might not always be successful. When I am not, I will apologize and hope to learn better and do better. I refuse to act out of hate. I refuse to hate. And FEAR (f**k everything and run) stopped being an option at least a decade ago.
I have young people who look to me as a Mentor, and Elder, a Wisdom keeper. I will fight so they can see what fighting looks like. I will put myself on the line for people who are at risk. My ancestors would have done it. They are not here. I will do it, for them and for me. I will do it so my Great Niece and the other young people who look to me will see how a committed person of faith acts in difficult times. I will stand between the Nameless Dark and the people it wants to hurt and will say “No. These are not for you. BE YE GONE!!” and the Nameless will go – at least for that time.
(These are the songs I had playing in my head earlier today. I posted them on Facebook today. Listen or scroll past. Your choice. I hope they give you strength.)
I hope you can choose your own way out of despair and fear. If I can help you with that, please feel free to contact me.
Blessings to you, your friends, your family, and our country.
Cedar
Well-said!
ReplyDeleteThank you, dear.
ReplyDelete